Archive for November, 2007
Monday, November 5th, 2007
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Monday Reset is a weekly feature that obviously runs on mondays, but only if we have time to bother with it. It contains no references to the writer’s strike, no commentary on Ron Paul or Paul Ron, and no thoughts on NBC’s green peacock logo.
THE CARNAGE OF YESTERWEEK - making sense of the last seven days
Last week we saw…
…Joe Torre return to the National League with the L.A. Dodgers. Does he realize that the double switches are going to seriously cut into his in-game napping?
…The NBA Season kick off with the new look Boston Celtics grabbing most of the headlines…and 2 early wins.
…6 Top-25 Teams lost on saturday, although 4 of those losses were to higher ranked opponents. (#2)BC and (#18)South Florida lost to unranked teams, setting up Ohio St./LSU/Oregon as the 1-2-3 BCS teams headed into the home stretch.
…Darren McFadden ran for 323 321 yards for Arkansas on saturday. With the Rams and Dolphins headed for the first pick in the draft, will they select him to back up their own studs or trade the pick away?
…Adrian “All Day” Peterson goes for 296 in one day. (not sure that i’m down with calling him the “Purple Jesus” as some have decided to do. Mostly for the blasphemy aspect, but also because in this day and age I don’t think any athlete should get a nickname based on the team he is on. What happens if he signed with the Jaguars in 4 years, does he become the Teal Jesus?)
…Antonio Cromartie goes for 109 in one play. seems like a 110-yard play should be possible, but i guess they’re saying 109 is the most you can ever get.
…The Eagles and Bengals might be worse than we thought. The Saints, Bucs, Packers, and Lions win again. The Jets and 49ers couldn’t even win Bud Bowl right now.
…Tony Romo signs a 6-yr, $67.5 million dollar contract in the same week he is reportedly seen hanging out with Britney Spears. Take the money and run, Tony.
…The Patriots stun the Colts with a 4th quarter comeback to win 24-20. On the field, Reggie Wayne dropped a key pass late in the game, while Brady hit Moss and Stallworth on huge late strikes…The pass interference calls seemed a little lopsided to most impartial observers…According to Belicheck, the radio between Brady and the coaching staff wasn’t working for most of the game on Sunday…Also, here’s some interesting audio evidence of a possible fake crowd noise glitch (I remember hearing this during the game and wondering what it was).
THE BIG THREE - if you only watch three things this week, make it these:
1. Ravens @ Steelers, MON, 8:30pm (ESPN) - The Ravens look to extend their streak of “ugly” games to 41 in a row.
2. (18) Auburn @ (10) Georgia - SAT, 3:30pm (CBS) … cats and dogs fighting between shrubs.
3. Colts at Chargers - SUN, 800pm (NBC) … Can Joe Addai run for 297 against Ted Cottrell’s defense?
Posted in previews, sports | 1 Comment »
Monday, November 5th, 2007
So, professional basketball is back. Some of you care. Many of you don’t.
Here at Prayers for Blowouts we see this as one more opportunity for us (and you) to show the world just how smart we are. We’ve compiled an elite panel of NBA experts that will offer their predictions on which teams will make the playoffs, and which team will win it all.
First let’s meet our panel:
Bryan Allain - As a 4th-grader, he celebrated the 1986 Boston Celtics Championship by marching around his block with a makeshift drum, screaming “We are the Champions!” These days he watches about 15 NBA regular season games and maybe the first round of the playoffs. Yes, he is an expert.
Jon Adams - The sports editor of the Burnside Writers Collective, Jon is a Toronto Raptors fan who loves hockey and gambling on American Gladiator reruns. You bet, he is an expert.
Chad Gibbs - A former janitor and frequent contributor to the Burnside Writer’s Collective, Chad claims to have shot a 73 this summer on the golf course, though he was not able to produce a signed and notarized scorecard when asked. He loves Auburn, but don’t hold that against him. Has he ever been called an NBA expert? Not until today.
Parker Allain - He’ll be 5 years old in December, and up until last week had never watched a minute of an NBA game in his life. He has a teddy bear named Freddy and he can say his ABCs (though he sometimes forgets T-U-V). He made his predictions based on which logos he liked better. Is he an expert? Sure, why not?
Let’s get to the predictions:
Eastern Conference Playoff Teams
Bryan - CHI, DET, BOS, WAS, ORL, CLE, NJ, TOR
Jon - CHI, TOR, BOS, CLE, WAS, MIA, DET, NJ
Chad - BOS, DET, MIA, CHI, NJ, IND, CHA, ATL
Parker - NJ, NYK, MIL, MIA, IND, DET, CHI, BOS
Western Conference Playoff Teams
Bryan - HOU, SA, DAL, DEN, UTA, PHX, POR, N.O.
Jon - SA, DAL, PHX, HOU, DEN, UTA, GS, LAL
Chad - PHX, UTA, NO, DAL, DEN, LAC, HOU, SA
Parker - POR, HOU, PHX, DEN, MEM, MIN, SA, SAC
NBA Finals
Bryan - Phoenix over Boston
Jon - Boston over Dallas
Chad - Phoenix over Boston
Parker - Chicago over Phoenix
We know you don’t care about the NBA, but we want your predictions anyway. Include them as a comment and at the end of the season we promise we’ll give props to whomever was the most psychic, whether it’s a panel expert or commenter.
Posted in NBA, previews | 2 Comments »
Saturday, November 3rd, 2007
Just a real quick thought on a saturday night…
Oregon-Arizona St. notwithstanding, there were two huge football games scheduled to be played this weekend. (and congrats to Jordan and all you Duck fans out there on the impressive win.)
Patriots-Colts, of course, is being played on Sunday afternoon in Indianapolis. Everyone and their mom will be watching that game tomorrow.
But a few thousand miles away this morning (or afternoon, depending on where you were), another huge football game was being contested. Arsenal and Manchester United, the top two soccer teams in the English Premier League, went at it this afternoon and in the end, came to a 2-2 tie.
Now I’m not here to knock soccer and try to convince you how boring it is. Despite the fact that I don’t follow soccer even a little bit, I’ve still been sucked in to a good match a time or two before. (and from what i read of today’s game, it sounded like an exciting one.) I see the appeal and I appreciate it, even though i rarely experience it.
The only point I wanted to make was, can you imagine if the Colts-Pats game ends in a tie tomorrow? Granted, there’s a better chance of Joel Osteen performing “I’m Too Sexy” during halftime of the game than there is of it getting through a 15-minute overtime period without either of these teams scoring, but can you imagine if it was a tie?
Everyone is so ready to crown the winner of this game with the tiara of “Super Bowl Favorite” and “Possible Undefeated Season”, what would happen if there was no winner? I think Tony Dungy would be at peace with it. I think Bill Belicheck would punch himself in the face for an hour. I think ESPN would implode upon itself up in Bristol, Connecticut.
Thankfully, less than 24 hours from now we will have a winner, and that’s reason #421 why i like our football better than theirs. What can i say? I’m a dumb American I guess. I don’t like my books or movies to end in ties, why would i want my football to be any different?
Come Sunday afternoon, my mantra will be, May the Best Team Win, As long As One Team Wins. Enjoy the game everyone…
Posted in sports | 3 Comments »
Friday, November 2nd, 2007
Each week The Schnoz Report will get you ready for the upcoming slate of games in the NFL, providing angles (both acute and obtuse, but never right) that you won’t get anywhere else.
As always, if you hate sports, especially football, then reading this post will only make you bitter and angry. Why don’t you go read about the councilman who wants to put pigeons on the pill.
First Thing’s First
What did we learn from Week 8 in the NFL:
+ Jon Kitna’s 10-win prediction might not be so looney after all. Don’t get me wrong, they still have some tough opponents left on their schedule, but who would have thought this team would be 5-2 after 8 weeks? Not I.
+ The Eagles, Browns, Bills, and Saints are playing like they think they can make the playoffs, despite all having losing records (except the Browns at 4-3). As of right now, I think the only team of this bunch that will squeak in is the Saints, who are finally showing glimpses of last year.
+ How about that AFC South? Jacksonville and Tennessee both won on sunday to stay 2 games behind the Colts. The Colts, Jaguars, and Titans, rank #2, #4, and #7 in the league in fewest points per game this year. Tough division.
+ Speaking of the AFC, the top 5 defenses in the league in yards per game are all from the AFC: Pittsburgh, Baltimore, New England, Indianapolis, Tennessee.
+ My NFC playoff outlook right now: DAL, GB, NO, SEA, NYG, DET
+ In the AFC, the playoff prediction is: NE, IND, PIT, SD, JAX, TEN
Angle of the Week
You know a game is hitting a 10 out of 10 on the hype machine when the Cowboys are playing the Eagles in prime time on a Sunday night and you don’t hear a peep about it. Last night my father-in-law was telling me that he was going to the Eagles game this Sunday and my response was, “Oh, that’s THIS Sunday?” I couldn’t believe I hadn’t heard a word about it. But that’s how big this Colts-Pats match up is.
Not sure that this game can match the hype. And what hype it is. I’ve heard this game called all but one of the following in the last few days:
The Greatest Regular Season Matchup of the last 20 years.
The Greatest Regular Season Matchup Ever.
Super Bowl 41.5
The Abomination of Desolation in the RCA Dome
It’s not very often that the defending Super Bowl champs are 6 point underdogs at home, nevermind the fact that they are 7-0. It just tells you how sold on the Patriots America is. Is it deserved? I guess we’ll find out sunday afternoon.
This has Nothing to Do with Football
Here’s 7 movies I’ve never watched from start to finish that usually make people mad when they hear I haven’t seen them:
- Saving Private Ryan
- Goodfellas
- Fight Club
- Memento
- American Beauty
- 300
- Batman Begins
Of those seven, are there any on the list that you think i should DEFINITELY watch or my life will be meaningless and devoid of value? Let me know.
Do you have your own list of movies that most people have seen but you haven’t? If so, I’d love to hear what they are.
Fantasy is the New Reality
Looking ahead to next year’s fantasy NFL drafts, what does the top 10 look like? A lot different than this year’s i bet. Here’s a quick mock draft i did in my head (though keep in mind i am awful at Fantasy)
- LT
- Adrian Peterson
- Joe Addai
- Tom Brady
- Brian Westbrook
- Marion Barber
- Steven Jackson
- Randy Moss
- Larry Johnson
- Shaun Alexander
Between the increase in passing scores this year and the ‘running back by committee’ approach many coaches are taking, don’t you get the feeling that we might have reached the tipping point with the “ALWAYS TAKE A RUNNING BACK IN THE FIRST ROUND” Rule.
No Ticket, No Problem
If your wife thinks the Sunday Ticket is the name of a George Strait album, here’s what you’ll be watching on sunday.
CBS - CBS has a doubleheader this week, so no HD broadcast for that Cincy@Buffalo tussle that so many of you are dying to see. You can expect about 130 promos for the pats-colts game during the early games, which include CIN@BUF, SD@MIN, JAX@NO, and DEN@DET.
Check out the map for the CBS late game. It’s a sea of red. Gus Johnson and Steve Tasker must be ticked off that they have to pay attention to the Houston/Oakland game.
FOX - The only game FOX is showing in the late time slot this week is SEA@CLE. Everything else they are broadcasting is at 1pm EST. (or is it EDT…or does anyone care?)
If you’d like to take a peak at the NFL coverage maps with your own eyes, be my guest.
Household Chore to Ignore
Each week I’ll be helping you find something around the house that you should feel guilty about not doing because you’re watching football.
This week let’s talk about organizing that one drawer in your house where everything goes to die. What’s in that drawer anyway? Pens, pencils, markers, dead batteries, live batteries, questionable batteries, screwdrivers, gum, phone adapters, decks of cards, pennies, chap sticks, scotch tape, expired coupons, allen wrenches, a solar calculator, broken watches, spare keys, stamps, and a superball.
Isn’t it about time to go through that thing and organize it?
No, it’s time for kickoff. Get your unorganized carcass back on the couch.
Upset Specials
Each week I’ll pick an underdog that i think can win its game outright.
Last Week’s pick: BUF over NYJ (WIN!)
Record for the Year: 5-3
This week I like the Jacksonville Jaguars to go into New Orleans and upset the suddenly hot Saints. And while we’re here, can everyone who pronounces Jaguars as “jag-wires” raise their hand? Ok, keep your hands up and go look in the mirror. Now say to yourself “I will never again say ‘jag-wire’ because it sounds dumb. I will say ‘jag-wahr’ because that is the proper pronunciation.” Thanks.
Mascot Wars
The best mascot matchup of the week:
Chargers @ Vikings - According to Norse legend, lightning strikes were the result of the Viking god Thor throwing his hammer (named Mjollnir) at giants. How on God’s green earth are the Vikings going to be able to play football with all those bolts of lightning running around on the field? Answer: they won’t. Chargers 41, Vikings 10.
Conspiracy Theory of the Week
This is a picture of me eating guinea pig in Ecuador with Cliff Young of Caedmon’s Call in 2004. It tasted pretty good, as far as i can recall. Like chicken, you ask? Yeah, kinda like chicken.
Why don’t we eat more guinea pig in the United States? I’m not really sure.
Is it because they remind us too much of hamsters? Maybe. Is it because we associate them with pigs? I don’t think so. Because we eat pigs. Lots of pigs. Is it because we think of them as pets? It’s possible I suppose.
My theory? That it’s a conspiracy. I can’t really get into it more than that, I’m sorry.
If Betting were Legal
Last Week: 7-6
Year to Date: 60-56
My picks for Week 9 (your spreads may vary):
CAR(+4.5), DET(-3.5), S.D.(-7.5), JAX(+3.5), WAS(-3.5), ATL(-3.5), ARI(+3.5), KC(-2.5), BUF(-1.5), CLE(-1.5), OAK(-3.5), NE(-5.5), DAL(-3.5), PIT(-7.5)
Final Word
Today’s final word is “conquistador”. You have to admit, it’s a pretty fun word.
Have a great weekend!
-The Schnoz
Posted in NFL, previews | 6 Comments »
