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I have a Steeler fan in the house. A fourth-grade Steeler fan who was raised to bleed Eagles’ green.
I’m past beating myself up, wondering if I should have painted the nursery midnight green and silver, or if I should have dropped $50 on an Eagles’ one-sie that he would have worn for three months and stained with burped Gerber prunes. I could have done those things but that wouldn’t have guaranteed his sanctification as an Eagles’ fan.
Adam and Eve had the perfect parent and they rebelled. I’m doing the best I can. but blame must be projected elsewhere and I’m tempted to bite that ancient apple toss the woman that God gave me under the Madden tour bus.
Amy’s been introducing odd maternal values into the arena of football fandom and I don’t like it. She’s informed me that I may not by my youngest son an Eagles’ t-shirt (“May not?” Really?”). She’s concerned that our Steeler fan will be alone in his fandom and feel a lack of closeness with me and my oldest Eagle-fan. If I were to enlist the youngest son, the middle child would totally be isolated and somehow emotionally scarred.
I’ve taken some of Amy’s input to heart. I’ve bought my prodigal a Steelers cap and last night made the pilgrimage to Heinz stadium to watch the meaningless fourth preseason game with Prodigal and two of his equally misguided schoolmates. I’m right at the edge of being an enabler.
But her declaration that my youngest son is to be tabula rosa is intolerable. Erie, PA is a town split between Bills, Steelers, and Cleveland fans. To think that my youngest will somehow become an Eagles fan without mentoring is laughable. It’s like hoping for an altar call at a Richard Dawkins book signing.
Furthermore, the injection of the maternal value of a “balanced family” reeks of social engineering. What if… what IF the youngest becomes an Eagles’ fan? Do we shun him from the family to preserve some artificial ideal of what our family should look like? I’m married to a Social Darwinist, I am.
No, that’s obviously not what the football gods intended. Fandom is instinctual. Wolves don’t discuss whether or not they will raise their cubs to be wolves or not. They just raise wolves. And darnitall, in this house, we’re raising Eagles fans. My prodigal? He can join the pack or be a lone wolf. I’ll love him either way as long as he doesn’t ask me to change the channel to watch his game. That’s just how it is. I’m putting my foot down.
As soon as I find the courage to inform my wife.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Larry, my son is an Eagles fan in a family of Cowboy fans. Fortunately for him, my love for the Cowboys is lukewarm, so I really don’t care. Now, if he had chosen the Phillies as his favorite team over the Red Sox, and my wife was in on it? There might have been some marital discord there.
I actually like the fact that Parker and I have the same favorite team (Sox) in our favorite sport and are arch enemies in another sport (Eagles-Cowboys). It makes it fun. But that’s only because i really don’t care if the Cowboys lose…and I know how you Eagles fans feel about your team.
Good luck with your wife! I hear the couch is a great place to sleep this time of year.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Want me to send you a blanket for that cold shoulder you are going to be getting?
August 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am
My wife read this and laughed. She knows it was tongue-n-check and that I’m no chauvinist.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
she made you type that comment, didn’t she? The power of a woman knows no limits!
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Take heart, I am a prodigal Packer fan. I grew up with the Pack on my TV every Sunday but as a 6 year old I thought the Redskins’ helmet was cooler. After I moved to SC for 6 years I started to turn around when everyone I met assumed I was a Pack fan (being from Wisconsin). Once I moved to Chicago I had to come home to the Pack just to keep up with the goofy Bears’ fans. (Also the birth of my first child helped since I couldn’t figure out how to explain to him why his ENTIRE extended family cheered for the Pack but not us…) I love the Packers and owe most of it to my Sunday’s growing up around fans…
September 5th, 2008 at 6:11 am
[...] look at the intersection between faith and sports. Here’s a recent entry of mine regarding football season. It’s got nothing to do with children’s minsitry and culture… No Comments so [...]
September 5th, 2008 at 9:21 am
This is hysterical! thanks for the laugh this morning!