Dear U.S. Ryder Cup Team,

We don’t care if you lose.

No seriously, we don’t care.

Do we want you to play well and represent our country by playing great golf? Of course. Do we want you to beat the Europeans? Yes, we definitely do. Are we going to lose any sleep if you get beat? Nope, not even a wink.

So listen, just go out there and have fun. While you ARE representing our country, you ARE NOT carrying the hopes and cares of all the country on your shoulders. That’s Barack Obama’s job, from what i’ve been told. You’re just playing golf.

So before you go out there and play against those anti-dentite Brits, I want you all to consider losing. Think about it. Ingest it. Digest it. Poop it out. And realize, it’s not a big deal. If you lose, your lives will go on. You’ll still be great golfers making ridiculous amounts of money for hitting a small ball into a slightly bigger hole. You’ll still have beautiful wives, great families, and no man-boobs. (Well, except for you Phil, but your wife is extra pretty, so it evens out.) And unless the entire slate of college and pro football games get canceled this weekend, no one will be talking about your play on Monday anyway.

In conclusion, please play well and have a good time out there, knowing that we are OK if you lose. Really, we don’t care. I’m serious. Just have fun. Really. Go on now…go play golf and have fun. Let us know how it turns out!

Sincerely,

Bryan Allain of Prayers For Blowouts
(and the other commenters who approve of this message)