The Schnoz Report: Week 6

If you're new here, and you're into sports and/or the Christian faith, subscribe to our RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

Each week The Schnoz Report will get you ready for the upcoming slate of games in the NFL, providing angles (both acute and obtuse, but never right) that you won’t get anywhere else. As always, if you hate sports, especially football, then reading this post will only make you bitter and angry. Why don’t you go read my ideas for helping the candidates in the presidential debates stick to their time limits.

Also, a note about the Schnoz Report this week. Since I am on vacation, the Schnoz Report for Week 6 will be an abbreviated one. Please forgive me.

The Schnoz Top 9

based on who I think would win if these games were played today on a neutral field.

#1 - Tennessee, because 5-0 is 5-0.

#2 - The Giants, because 4-0 is 4-0.

#3 - Washington, because Zorn’s boys have won 2 divisional road games.

#4 - Dallas, because the Bengals almost beat the Giants too.

#5 - Carolina, because only the Giants and Titans have a better point differential.

#6 - Denver, because bad defense or not, that division is theirs for the taking.

#7 - Pittsburgh, because their defense is second to only the Titans and Ravens in the AFC.

#8 - Chicago, because a win against Detroit always makes you look good.

#9 - Buffalo, because 4-1 is great but a loss the Cardinals is not so great.

1 Prediction Sure to Fail

#1 - All 3 Florida teams will win this week. The Bucs will beat the Panthers at home, the Jags will go to Denver and win, and the Dolphins will go all wildcat on the Texans and win in Houston.

This has Nothing to Do with Football

Nicholas Sparks has written 14 best-sellers in 14 years. He’s also writing a movie for Miley Cyrus, runs daily, attends church regularly, and could beat the Detroit Lions by himself. (ok, so that last part isn’t true)

Random Handicapping Factoid of the Week that is Actually True

My handicapping magazine is at work and I’m not, so no factoid this week. Instead, let me say “Sage Rosenfels, that performance on Sunday stunk like a desert crime scene”. Booooooo.

Caption of the Week

Congrats to Isaac for his winning caption of last week’s photo:

Those cupcakes Portis made are off the hook. You sure you can’t fit one through your face mask directly into your mouth?

Upset Specials

Each week I’ll pick an underdog that i think can win its game outright. Why? Because America loves an underdog, that’s why.

Last Week’s pick: Texans over Colts (FAIL! - but really, Sage Rosenfels, c’mon!)
Record for the Year: 1-4

This week: The Bengals over the Jets. Amen.

Bible Character Who Should Have been a Football Player

This week’s BCWSHBAFP is Nebuchadnezzar. Nebuchadnezzar was a king who spent 7 years like a beast of the field, eating grass like an ox. Sounds like an offensive lineman, right? Enough said.

If Betting were Legal

Last Week: 7-7
Year to Date: 39-35

The spreads I use are from the NFL Picks League I am in. Often times, these are off by a point or two over the official line. I’m not sure why, they just are.

Here’s my picks:

If you’d like to go up against the Schnoz, send an email to prayersforblowouts(at)gmail-com. I’ll pick someone at random every week and shoot you an email back to let you know you’ve been chosen.

Final Word

We lost 1 more person from the ranks of the unbeaten in the Eliminator game this week when Goebel’s Saints lost on Monday Night. That leaves 4 unbeatens. Good luck to everyone.

Enjoy Week 6!

-The Schnoz

Tags: Schnoz Report