“Aw, I Feel Sorry For You…” is a new weekly feature here at PFB in which we look at, and feel sorry for a certain person, place or thing in the world of sports.
Why I Feel Sorry For You: You did just like anyone else would do, Rich. You thought the grass looked greener on the other side. You thought you had the chance to cement your legacy. You were destined for that “Made for TV” movie about your life, staring Jim Belushi. From the lowly stage of Salem College up through Glenville State to Clemson to Tulane, then to West Virginia and then on to the big time, the University of Michigan. However, Rich, you’re tenure at UM has been one marred with controversy and to be honest… bad coaching. You could’ve stayed at West Virginia and been the greatest coach in the history of Mountaineer football. Those tall shadows of Bear Bryant (when you turned down the Alabama job) and Bo Schembechler at Michigan? That would’ve been you casting that giant shadow on Mountaineer field. Instead, you ran away for the money, leaving a trail of shredded documents and worse… angry West Virginians in your trail. Now you’re at Michigan. You’ve given the Wolverines their worst season in history.  You’re on route to give Big Blue their second straight Bowl Game less season. Now, you’re very possibly on your way out the door after only two seasons. You’ve been bad mouthed by players… and not just former players, current players… Rich, you’ve even made your replacement at West Virginia, Bill Stewart, look like a competent coach, I mean, after all, his record over the past two years is far better than yours (Stewart is 17-7, you? 8-15). You should be ashamed of yourself, Rich. You’ve turned a once proud football program (the most wins of any team in NCAA history) into the laughing stock of the Big Ten. Do you understand just how bad the Big Ten is, Rich? Do you realize that your record in the Big Ten the past two years is 3-13? Now, the NCAA is investigating your team about rules violations? That doesn’t fly with Big Blue. Now, Michigan is faced with what to do with you. I think it’s time to cut the cord, Wolverine fans… and this is coming from a Buckeye. Let’s make it interesting again. Get Brian Kelly. Get Les Miles. Get Turner Gill. Heck, get Eric Mangini. Anything is better than Rich.

Why You Should Feel Good About Yourself, Rich Rodriguez: Well, Rich. You’re a pioneer of the spread option offense. It’s changed the way college football is played. You’ve also made Mountaineer football relevant again. They are now the gold standard of Big East football. Don Nehlen didn’t do that, Rich, you did.  You’ve got a victory over the SEC (Georgia in the 2006 Sugar Bowl), which is something your rival to the south, Jim Tressel and Ohio State do not have. You then followed up the next season by defeating Georgia Tech (and Calvin Johnson) in the Gator Bowl. Those are impressive wins on a resume. Also Rich, let’s face it. Your name says it all. You’ve made a lot of money in your career. They say money can’t buy happiness, and well… I’ll probably never know that, but you, my friend, look happy (unless of course, it’s a press conference about those darn rules violations and the players turning against you, then you go all Sally Fields on us. Please, Rich, learn from Joe Pa. There’s no crying in the Big Ten).

How I’m Going to Show My Love For You: I’m going to send out your resume for you, Rich. Now, I’m pretty sure you burned your bridges with a lot of schools with this whole NCAA investigation thing. Let’s get that straight; John Calipari can get away with it. You can’t. So, I’ve compiled a list of jobs I feel you may be interested in. First, there is the San Jose State job. San Jose is a wonderful place. It’s much warmer year round than both Ann Arbor, MI and Morgantown, WV.  I’m sure you could recruit a nice athletic QB to come there and run your option. You’ll face a real tough challenge week in and week out, and won’t even have to worry about breaking out the winter parka. If maybe all that sunshine makes you nervous about sunspots, there is always Memphis. Just picture this Rich, Memphis, TN – the home of both Rich Rodriguez AND Elvis. You do like BBQ, right? No? Well, It’s quite possible there could be an opening in Cincinnati (if you like Chili), Texas Christian (If you like Texas and Jesus… in that order) and Buffalo (I mean, seriously, who doesn’t love buffalo wings?)… what’s that Rich? Oh, no, those guys aren’t getting fired too… they’re all moving on to better jobs – like the one you’re about to get fired from.

I feel sorry for you, Rich Rodriguez.

Joshua D. Rollins is Editor of PrayersForBlowouts.com. He is a native of Beckley, WV and now resides in Columbus, OH where he is a freelance writer. He enjoys black beans and rice.