Archive for the ‘previews’ Category
Monday, November 5th, 2007
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So, professional basketball is back. Some of you care. Many of you don’t.
Here at Prayers for Blowouts we see this as one more opportunity for us (and you) to show the world just how smart we are. We’ve compiled an elite panel of NBA experts that will offer their predictions on which teams will make the playoffs, and which team will win it all.
First let’s meet our panel:
Bryan Allain - As a 4th-grader, he celebrated the 1986 Boston Celtics Championship by marching around his block with a makeshift drum, screaming “We are the Champions!” These days he watches about 15 NBA regular season games and maybe the first round of the playoffs. Yes, he is an expert.
Jon Adams - The sports editor of the Burnside Writers Collective, Jon is a Toronto Raptors fan who loves hockey and gambling on American Gladiator reruns. You bet, he is an expert.
Chad Gibbs - A former janitor and frequent contributor to the Burnside Writer’s Collective, Chad claims to have shot a 73 this summer on the golf course, though he was not able to produce a signed and notarized scorecard when asked. He loves Auburn, but don’t hold that against him. Has he ever been called an NBA expert? Not until today.
Parker Allain - He’ll be 5 years old in December, and up until last week had never watched a minute of an NBA game in his life. He has a teddy bear named Freddy and he can say his ABCs (though he sometimes forgets T-U-V). He made his predictions based on which logos he liked better. Is he an expert? Sure, why not?
Let’s get to the predictions:
Eastern Conference Playoff Teams
Bryan - CHI, DET, BOS, WAS, ORL, CLE, NJ, TOR
Jon - CHI, TOR, BOS, CLE, WAS, MIA, DET, NJ
Chad - BOS, DET, MIA, CHI, NJ, IND, CHA, ATL
Parker - NJ, NYK, MIL, MIA, IND, DET, CHI, BOS
Western Conference Playoff Teams
Bryan - HOU, SA, DAL, DEN, UTA, PHX, POR, N.O.
Jon - SA, DAL, PHX, HOU, DEN, UTA, GS, LAL
Chad - PHX, UTA, NO, DAL, DEN, LAC, HOU, SA
Parker - POR, HOU, PHX, DEN, MEM, MIN, SA, SAC
NBA Finals
Bryan - Phoenix over Boston
Jon - Boston over Dallas
Chad - Phoenix over Boston
Parker - Chicago over Phoenix
We know you don’t care about the NBA, but we want your predictions anyway. Include them as a comment and at the end of the season we promise we’ll give props to whomever was the most psychic, whether it’s a panel expert or commenter.
Tags: basketball, predictions
Posted in NBA, previews | 2 Comments »
Friday, November 2nd, 2007
Each week The Schnoz Report will get you ready for the upcoming slate of games in the NFL, providing angles (both acute and obtuse, but never right) that you won’t get anywhere else.
As always, if you hate sports, especially football, then reading this post will only make you bitter and angry. Why don’t you go read about the councilman who wants to put pigeons on the pill.
First Thing’s First
What did we learn from Week 8 in the NFL:
+ Jon Kitna’s 10-win prediction might not be so looney after all. Don’t get me wrong, they still have some tough opponents left on their schedule, but who would have thought this team would be 5-2 after 8 weeks? Not I.
+ The Eagles, Browns, Bills, and Saints are playing like they think they can make the playoffs, despite all having losing records (except the Browns at 4-3). As of right now, I think the only team of this bunch that will squeak in is the Saints, who are finally showing glimpses of last year.
+ How about that AFC South? Jacksonville and Tennessee both won on sunday to stay 2 games behind the Colts. The Colts, Jaguars, and Titans, rank #2, #4, and #7 in the league in fewest points per game this year. Tough division.
+ Speaking of the AFC, the top 5 defenses in the league in yards per game are all from the AFC: Pittsburgh, Baltimore, New England, Indianapolis, Tennessee.
+ My NFC playoff outlook right now: DAL, GB, NO, SEA, NYG, DET
+ In the AFC, the playoff prediction is: NE, IND, PIT, SD, JAX, TEN
Angle of the Week
You know a game is hitting a 10 out of 10 on the hype machine when the Cowboys are playing the Eagles in prime time on a Sunday night and you don’t hear a peep about it. Last night my father-in-law was telling me that he was going to the Eagles game this Sunday and my response was, “Oh, that’s THIS Sunday?” I couldn’t believe I hadn’t heard a word about it. But that’s how big this Colts-Pats match up is.
Not sure that this game can match the hype. And what hype it is. I’ve heard this game called all but one of the following in the last few days:
The Greatest Regular Season Matchup of the last 20 years.
The Greatest Regular Season Matchup Ever.
Super Bowl 41.5
The Abomination of Desolation in the RCA Dome
It’s not very often that the defending Super Bowl champs are 6 point underdogs at home, nevermind the fact that they are 7-0. It just tells you how sold on the Patriots America is. Is it deserved? I guess we’ll find out sunday afternoon.
This has Nothing to Do with Football
Here’s 7 movies I’ve never watched from start to finish that usually make people mad when they hear I haven’t seen them:
- Saving Private Ryan
- Goodfellas
- Fight Club
- Memento
- American Beauty
- 300
- Batman Begins
Of those seven, are there any on the list that you think i should DEFINITELY watch or my life will be meaningless and devoid of value? Let me know.
Do you have your own list of movies that most people have seen but you haven’t? If so, I’d love to hear what they are.
Fantasy is the New Reality
Looking ahead to next year’s fantasy NFL drafts, what does the top 10 look like? A lot different than this year’s i bet. Here’s a quick mock draft i did in my head (though keep in mind i am awful at Fantasy)
- LT
- Adrian Peterson
- Joe Addai
- Tom Brady
- Brian Westbrook
- Marion Barber
- Steven Jackson
- Randy Moss
- Larry Johnson
- Shaun Alexander
Between the increase in passing scores this year and the ‘running back by committee’ approach many coaches are taking, don’t you get the feeling that we might have reached the tipping point with the “ALWAYS TAKE A RUNNING BACK IN THE FIRST ROUND” Rule.
No Ticket, No Problem
If your wife thinks the Sunday Ticket is the name of a George Strait album, here’s what you’ll be watching on sunday.
CBS - CBS has a doubleheader this week, so no HD broadcast for that Cincy@Buffalo tussle that so many of you are dying to see. You can expect about 130 promos for the pats-colts game during the early games, which include CIN@BUF, SD@MIN, JAX@NO, and DEN@DET.
Check out the map for the CBS late game. It’s a sea of red. Gus Johnson and Steve Tasker must be ticked off that they have to pay attention to the Houston/Oakland game.
FOX - The only game FOX is showing in the late time slot this week is SEA@CLE. Everything else they are broadcasting is at 1pm EST. (or is it EDT…or does anyone care?)
If you’d like to take a peak at the NFL coverage maps with your own eyes, be my guest.
Household Chore to Ignore
Each week I’ll be helping you find something around the house that you should feel guilty about not doing because you’re watching football.
This week let’s talk about organizing that one drawer in your house where everything goes to die. What’s in that drawer anyway? Pens, pencils, markers, dead batteries, live batteries, questionable batteries, screwdrivers, gum, phone adapters, decks of cards, pennies, chap sticks, scotch tape, expired coupons, allen wrenches, a solar calculator, broken watches, spare keys, stamps, and a superball.
Isn’t it about time to go through that thing and organize it?
No, it’s time for kickoff. Get your unorganized carcass back on the couch.
Upset Specials
Each week I’ll pick an underdog that i think can win its game outright.
Last Week’s pick: BUF over NYJ (WIN!)
Record for the Year: 5-3
This week I like the Jacksonville Jaguars to go into New Orleans and upset the suddenly hot Saints. And while we’re here, can everyone who pronounces Jaguars as “jag-wires” raise their hand? Ok, keep your hands up and go look in the mirror. Now say to yourself “I will never again say ‘jag-wire’ because it sounds dumb. I will say ‘jag-wahr’ because that is the proper pronunciation.” Thanks.
Mascot Wars
The best mascot matchup of the week:
Chargers @ Vikings - According to Norse legend, lightning strikes were the result of the Viking god Thor throwing his hammer (named Mjollnir) at giants. How on God’s green earth are the Vikings going to be able to play football with all those bolts of lightning running around on the field? Answer: they won’t. Chargers 41, Vikings 10.
Conspiracy Theory of the Week
This is a picture of me eating guinea pig in Ecuador with Cliff Young of Caedmon’s Call in 2004. It tasted pretty good, as far as i can recall. Like chicken, you ask? Yeah, kinda like chicken.
Why don’t we eat more guinea pig in the United States? I’m not really sure.
Is it because they remind us too much of hamsters? Maybe. Is it because we associate them with pigs? I don’t think so. Because we eat pigs. Lots of pigs. Is it because we think of them as pets? It’s possible I suppose.
My theory? That it’s a conspiracy. I can’t really get into it more than that, I’m sorry.
If Betting were Legal
Last Week: 7-6
Year to Date: 60-56
My picks for Week 9 (your spreads may vary):
CAR(+4.5), DET(-3.5), S.D.(-7.5), JAX(+3.5), WAS(-3.5), ATL(-3.5), ARI(+3.5), KC(-2.5), BUF(-1.5), CLE(-1.5), OAK(-3.5), NE(-5.5), DAL(-3.5), PIT(-7.5)
Final Word
Today’s final word is “conquistador”. You have to admit, it’s a pretty fun word.
Have a great weekend!
-The Schnoz
Tags: Football, Schnoz Report
Posted in NFL, previews | 6 Comments »
Sunday, October 28th, 2007
Will the Rockies stave off elimination? Will the Red Sox break out the swiffers?
Let’s make some pre-game post-game comments:
1. When the Rockies scored in the first inning, they knew they had a chance to win this one.
2. How about that one inning where Pedroia made all 3 outs?
3. Manny’s hits > Hawpe’s hits + Helton’s hits.
4. The Red Sox put up runs in more innings than the Rockies did
5. Not surpisingly, the Rockies used more pitchers than the Red Sox.
6. Also not surprisingly, the Red Sox saw more pitches than the Rockies.
7. Tulowitzki’s total bases > Lugo’s TB + Lowell’s TB
8. Double Double Toil and trouble, the Red Sox out-doubled the Rockies again.
9. Jon Lester gave up more runs than he had strikeouts.
10.Joe Buck impaling Tim McCarver in the temple with his microphone was fascinating, if only for the sound.
11. Amazingly, the second out recorded in both halves of the sixth inning was on fly balls to center field.
12. The Rockies will have more 2-out RBI than the Red Sox have HRs
13. The number of half innings in which 0 runs were scored will be less than 10.
14. The Rockies were running from the get-go, stealing more bases than the Red Sox.
15. Manny Ramirez’s helmet fell off his head while running the bases, tripping the runner behind him and causing Tim McCarver’s brain to explode out of his head.
16. The Rockies will leave more runners on base than the Red Sox have hits.
17. Aren’t back to back homers fun?
18. Can you believe the Patriots took the field in the 9th inning and outscored the Rockies 28-0?
19.The Red Sox walked more times and struck out more times than the Rockies.
20. The Red Sox are your World Series Champions!
Tags: baseball, predictions
Posted in MLB, previews | No Comments »
Friday, October 26th, 2007
Each week The Schnoz Report will get you ready for the upcoming slate of games in the NFL, providing angles (both acute and obtuse, but never right) that you won’t get anywhere else.
As always, if you hate sports, especially football, then reading this post will only make you bitter and angry. Why don’t you go read about the mom who drove a car full of cheerleaders right beside a moving car to grab a beer from some boys.
First Thing’s First
i was in a geeky numbers mood (it happens often), so i tried to figure out my odds on the future AFC and NFC Champions.
AFC
- Patriots - 55%
- Colts - 20%
- Steelers - 10%
- Chargers - 7%
- Jaguars - 5%
- Titans - 3%
NFC
- Cowboys - 24%
- Giants - 21%
- Packers - 15%
- Buccanneers - 10%
- Redskins - 10%
- Seahawks -10%
- Saints, Bears - 3%
- Lions, Panthers - 2%
as of right now, all other teams don’t have a chance
Angle(s) of the Week
Angle #1 - By now you’ve probably heard this, but no quarterback has ever beaten 31 different teams. (due mostly to the fact that the league only expanded to 32 teams in 2002). This weekend Peyton Manning and Tom Brady have the chance to do that when they try to beat the Panthers and Redskins, respectively. Manning has lost to the Panthers twice, while Brady has only lost once to the Skins. If something crazy would happen and neither team wins, Brett Favre could be the first QB to accomplish the feat with a win against the Chiefs next week.
Angle #2 - There’s two games happening in Week 8 between teams with identical records.
In Minnesota, the Eagles and Vikings will meet, each with identical 2-4 records. The winner of this game emerges with playoffs hope still alive, the loser emerges with a 2-5 record and an unsexy coach.
In San Fransisco, the 2-4 Saints will take on the 2-4 Niners with both teams going in opposite directions. The 49ers have lost 4 in a row and couldn’t even beat a red light the way they have been playing. The Saints have won 2 in a row after losing their first 4 and suddenly have aspirations of winning their crappy division.
This has Nothing to Do with Football
The dumbest thing about all of the “will the 8-day layoff hurt the Rockies?” hype was that there’s no way of knowing. There never was.
We all knew going in that if the Rockies won Game 1, we’d be saying that the layoff didn’t affect them. And predictably, when they lost Game 1 the analysts said that the layoff did play a role. (personally i think it had more to do with the command of Josh Beckett’s fastball and the inability for the Rockies pitchers to throw strikes.)
Next time a team has a big layoff, let’s lay off the speculation about if it will affect them. There’s no sense in arguing about something we’ll never know the answer to. If the team loses, we’ll say it did affect them. If the team wins, we’ll say it didn’t.
Fantasy is the New Reality
Here’s your fantasy news this week: Steven Jackson is back for the Rams, DeShawn Wynn is the starting RB for the Packers, Travis Henry will be a gametime decision on Monday night for the Broncos, Deshaun Foster said he is healthy enough to play against the Colts this week, and Frank Gore expects to play against the Saints this weekend.
In other news, i left an angry rant on my Burnside Fantasy League Message Board this week after getting beat by Tom Brady’s 6 TDs. I was angry because in this same league i was beaten by Carson Palmer’s 6 TDs in Week 2. Against my better judgement, here was most of the rant (with names blacked out to protect the innocent):
[Owner who beat me], i hate you and your brady gloating. i hate brady and his 6 TDs in Week 7. also, i hate Carson Palmer and his 6 TDs in Week 2 against me. I hate getting sucked out on the river by two QBs who threw up whack numbers against vomit defenses. i hate losing in week 2 by 25 points when Palmer scores 60 by himself. i hate losing in Week 7 by 13 points when Brady and his video camera installed on his helmet scores 58 by himself. i hate fantasy football and the flukiness of it’s asinine tomfoolery malaise whippersnapper pedigree madeupwords … whoever plays against me can expect their quarterback to have a career day. in fact, you might want to get a hold of your quarterback and tell him to bet on himself and play the lottery and ask out a hot chick because it will be his lucky day. he could probably even expect to get a check on that day from microsoft and aol on that day for spam emails that he forwarded as a part of some ridiculous email tracking beta test that doesnt even exist that he got tricked into, but just because he’s playing against my team, bill gates will wake up and say, “why not send a $43,800 check to eli manning today?”… not to mention some grocery store clerk named kevin walter playing WR for the texans scores 16 pts against me. how did he get 16 pts? was it for double bagging groceries the fastest? did he clean up a spilled jar of prego on aisle 6? did he boot someone out of the 10 items or less line because they had 12 items? ridiculous. i think i’m done now.
No Ticket, No Problem
If your wife thinks the Sunday Ticket was invented by Satan, here’s what you’ll be watching on sunday.
CBS - no HD for the 12 of you who were looking forward to watching Cleveland @ St. Louis. CBS is only broadcasting 1 game into your living room this week. If you live near IND@CAR, PIT@CIN, OAK@TEN, or CLE@StL you’ll get it at 1pm EST. The 4pm EST games on CBS are HOU@SD, BUF@NYJ, and JAX@TB.
FOX - FOX is double-dipping this week, with much of the country watching the MIA/NYG live from London at 1pm EST. In the late game slot on 90% of TVs will be WAS@NE.
Remember, no Sunday night game this week because of the World Series. Monday night will feature Brett Favre trying to beat someone his own age when he faces Broncos coach Mike Shanahan. (The San Diego game might also get moved to Monday Night, depending on what the NFL decides.)
If you’d like to take a peak at the NFL coverage map with your own baby blues, be my guest.
Household Chore to Ignore
Each week I’ll be helping you find something around the house that you should feel guilty about not doing because you’re watching football.
this week let’s think about that room you told your wife you’d paint 2 years ago. Still not painted, is it? You could paint it on sunday, maybe. Of course, then you’d need to go out and buy paint, buy some of that tape to cover stuff up, get some new brushes, and then block off a few hours of your day to get the first coat on. First coat, you ask? Oh yes, there will be at least two coats. Maybe 3 if it doesn’t look just right. There’s no way you’re getting that done all in one day. Perhaps another weekend would work out better? Yes, perhaps. Way to think things through, your wife would be proud!
Upset Specials
Each week I’ll pick an underdog that i think can win its game outright.
Last Week’s pick: TB over DET (LOSS!)
Record for the Year: 4-3
This week I’m picking the Bills to beat the Jets in a game the Jets are slightly favored in. Both of these teams are really bad, but it seems to me that the Bills are a better team. The crazy thing is, if Elam misses that kick in Week 1 and if the Cowboys don’t turn water into wine to win that Monday night game a few weeks ago, the Bills would be 4-2 right now instead of 2-4.
Mascot Wars
The best mascot matchup of the week:
Redskins @ Patriots - Isn’t this just a repeat of what happened back a few hundred years ago? We all know how that one turned out for the native americans who were already living here on the soil. If a Redskins victory here would somehow make amends for what the new settlers did, i might cheer for Washington, but this is merely a football game and i don’t think there are any native americans playing for the Redskins. I’m petitioning the league to cancel this game and instead host a huge thanksgiving dinner feast at the 50-yard line of Gillette Stadium. Strangely, I haven’t heard back from them yet.
Conspiracy Theory of the Week
Unlike most of my consipracy theories, this one is actually pretty legit. I’m pretty sure that the real Al Gore has been locked up in Area 51 since the mid-90s and that the Al Gore we’ve seen on TV since then is just a robot.
Ever since Al Gore invented the internet, people wondered which computer would be the central location, or the heart, of the internet. Sure, most of the internet lives on servers scattered throughout the world, but where is the core of it’s being? The answer: in Al Gore’s head.
He was kidnapped and cloned into a half-robot/half-human replica of himself. While the real Al Gore was cable-tied to a folding chair in Area 51 with fifty ethernet cables plugged into his scalp, the fake Al Gore ran for president. While the real Al Gore hasn’t moved a muscle in over 10 years, the fake Al Gore was programmed to research and create “An Inconvenient Truth”. While the real Al Gore grew a huge, bushy beard. The fake Al Gore grew a smaller, controlled beard.
Don’t feel bad for the real Al Gore, though. While he’ll never enjoy the taste of a filet mignon ever again, he has become the heart of the thing he created. He IS the internet. In fact, every time you send an email, it gives him a warm, fuzzy. So go send out some emails and make him happy. And if you see the fake Al Gore, just wink at him and say “I know who you are” under your breath.
Like I said, this theory isn’t much of a stretch, but it’s worth noting.
If Betting were Legal
Last Week: 8-6
Year to Date: 53-50
My picks for Week 8 (your spreads may vary):
OAK(+7.5), IND(-7.5), NYG(-9.5), CHI(-4.5), CLE(-3.5), MIN(+1.5), PIT(-3.5), TB(-3.5), SD(-9.5), BUF(+3.5), WAS(+16.5), SF(+3.5), GB(+3.5)
Final Word
I talked to my brother Josh last night before Game 2 of the World Series. He lives in Boston and was lucky enough to go to Game 6 of the ALCS. Apparently a friend called him up yesterday with a ticket for the game last night but Josh was sleeping. By the time he woke up and called him back, he had found someone else to go with. Ouch. Reason #458 why i hate naps: You can miss out on World Series tickets.
Have a great weekend!
-The Schnoz
Tags: Football, Schnoz Report
Posted in NFL, previews | 1 Comment »
Thursday, October 25th, 2007
We’re about an hour from the first pitch in Game 2 of the World Series, which means that by the time you read this post, the game will probably be over. So how was it for you?
Instead of providing you with predictions and insight that will be obsolete in 4 hours, I’m going to make 20 post-game statements before the game even starts. We’ll see how many of these I can nail perfectly.
Pre-Game Post Game Thoughts on Game 2:
1. Schilling’s line wasn’t bad…4 earned runs over 5 and 2/3 innings.
2. Who would have thought Brad Hawpe and Willy Tavares would combine for more hits than Kevin Youkilis and Manny Ramirez?
3. Manny’s helmet flew off his head again. Dude needs to switch to a L from that XL.
4. Thank you Willy Tavares for earning me a free taco on October 30th with that stolen base in the 6th inning.
5. Ubaldo Jimenez was throwing some laser beams, hitting 100 MPH on the gun more than once.
6. Boston outhit Colorado for the second straight game.
7. Jiminez not only struck out more batters than Schilling, he also walked less. Nice outing for the rookie.
8. That catch by Ellsbury was amazing.
9. The Red Sox laid down more bunts than the Rockies tonight.
10. Ellsbury stealing third caught everyone off guard…including me.
11. Big Papi’s home run almost landed in Colorado.
12. Manny wasn’t really hustling on that play.
13. I never thought I’d see that day that Manny Corpas would walk out of the bullpen with no pants on.
14. Papelbon struck out more batters than he left on base.
15. Can you believe John Kerry streaked naked onto the field like that?
16. Matt Holliday busted for using a corked bat? Who would have thought.
17. J.D. Drew’s Strikeouts + Mike Lowell’s Walks = Torrealba’s base hits + Helton’s doubles
18. Varitek hit for the cycle! amazing!
19. Garret Atkins should be suspended for all of next year for tripping Pedroia as he rounded third. He should be suspended for 5 years after that for pulling out a tazer and tazing Dustin multiple times in the small of his back.
20. The team with the most runs won the game.
Tags: baseball, predictions
Posted in MLB, previews | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, October 24th, 2007
The fun begins tonight around 8pm, when the Rockies return to action against the Red Sox of Boston.
Five Thoughts on this series, and a prediction:
1. Anything bad that happens to the Rockies in Game 1, whether it’s errors in the field or poor at-bats, will be blamed on “rust”. While I agree that 8 days is a long time off when you’ve been playing baseball 6 days a week since March, let’s not go crazy with this. It’s not like their coming back from Christmas Break and have been off for two weeks eating candy canes and ham. They’re professional ballplayers who have waited all their lives for this. Let’s take it easy on the rust.
2. That said, I’ll tell you right now that if the Rockies lose in Game 1, I’m betting it will have more to do with Josh Beckett than with the layoff. In that regard, there might be more pressure on Boston to win this first game. With Beckett on the mound they’re expected to win, and if they fall into a 0-1 hole after a Beckett start, there will be a lot of people jumping onto the Colorado bandwagon.
3. If Joe Buck says the word “jub-jub” during one of the telecasts, Conan O’ Brien will donate 1000 to a charity of Buck’s choice.
4. Will Leitch over at Deadspin has been playfully calling the Rockies “God’s Team” every chance he gets lately. I wonder if the FOX announcing team will touch on the subject at all? I’ll also be interested in seeing how the Rockies’ handle post-game interviews. Personally, I’m hoping those on the team that are Christians don’t go for the “out of context Jesus namedrop” just because they are on TV, that always rubs me, and most everyone else, the wrong way.
5. Anyone who tells you that they know what to expect from the Rockies in this series is dreaming. Never has a team been this hot before at the right time, layoff or no layoff. The Red Sox are the better team because of their pitching, but Colorado can slug you to death (like they did to Boston earlier this year). It’s one of the toughest championship matchups to get a feel for in a long time, which should make for some riveting games.
My Prediction:
Red Sox in 7 games.
leave your prediction in the comments and the winner will receive a robot sister like that girl from the Small Wonder TV show.
Tags: predictions, world series
Posted in MLB, previews | 5 Comments »
Monday, October 22nd, 2007
Monday Reset is a weekly feature that obviously runs on mondays, but only if we have time to bother with it. It contains no references to Borat’s offspring, no commentary on Dumbledore’s sexual preferences, and no giveaways for World Series tickets.
THE CARNAGE OF YESTERWEEK - making sense of the last seven days
Last week we saw…
…the Rockies get hotter than the fiery furnace, sweeping the D-Backs and earning themselves an 8-day vacation before the World Series.
…the Red Sox win their 7th straight playoff game when facing elimination (going back to 2004) over the Indians to earn the ALCS ticket into the World Series.
…ALCS Studly Stud: Josh Beckett, for singelhandedly taking momentum back in his brilliant Game 5 start.
…ALCS Dudly Dud: Travis Hafner, who flat-out disappeared in the 3-hole for Cleveland in this series: he went 4 for 23, with 2 runs, 2 RBIs, 12 Ks and 15 LOB.
…The Patriots win and blah blah, Tom Brady blah blah, 7-0 blah blah blah, blah blah blah
…Joe Torre and the Yankees part ways after 12 good years together. Torre offers to manage the Yankees for free for every year that he missed the playoffs. (that would be zero).
…The Bears, Broncos, and Bills kept their seasons afloat with big wins as underdogs while things are slipping away for the Eagles,Vikings, and 49ers.
…More Poll shiftage in College Football as #2 South Florida, #6 South Carolina, #7 Kentucky, #12 Cal, #17 Auburn, #24 Texas Tech, and #25 Kansas State all lost.
THE BIG THREE - if you only watch three things this week, make it these:
1. Colts @ Jaguars, MON, 8:30pm (ESPN) - Who would have thought that the Super Bowl champs being 6-0 would be a non-story? I’m sorry, but with the way that the Patriots are dismantling teams, it is a non-story. Until November 4th, that is, when it becomes THE story.
2. Rockies @ Red Sox - Game 1, WED, 8pm (FOX) … If the Rockies can be cooled down, it will be Beckett, and not the layoff, that does the trick. (by the way, early forecast for the weekend games in Denver show no precipitation and moderate temperatures).
3. (2) Boston College at (8) Virginia Tech - THU, 730pm (ESPN) … Will the #2 team in the country fall on Thursday night for the second week in a row? Most New Englanders won’t even tune in to watch with World Series Game #2 on at the same time. Most pundits are predicting a Virginia Tech win, mostly because the thought of an Ohio State/B.C. Championship game makes them ill.
Tags: Monday Reset
Posted in previews, sports | 1 Comment »
Friday, October 19th, 2007
Each week The Schnoz Report will get you ready for the upcoming slate of games in the NFL, providing angles (both acute and obtuse, but never right) that you won’t get anywhere else.
As always, if you hate sports, especially football, then reading this post will only make you bitter and angry. Why don’t you go read about the latest disturbing thing to come out of new york city: naked chocolate Jesus.
First Thing’s First
What we learned last week:
1. The Patriots could conceivably clinch the AFC East in 4 weeks on November 18th. If they are still undefeated (which is a big “if” with Indy on the schedule) they will be 10-0 with 6 games left. The Jets or Bills would need to be 4-6 at that point to be mathematically alive for the division crown. The Jets would need to win 3 of their next 4 (@CIN, BUF, WAS, PIT) or the Bills would need to win 3 of their next 5 (BAL, @NYJ, CIN, @MIA, NE). Even if they lose at Indy, the Patriots look like they will clinch the division before December starts. Can they keep the intensity up during the last few games of the year? We shall see.
2. Speaking of the Pats, they were who we thought they were (and so were the Cowboys). Dallas played well, and can take a lot from the fact that they hung with the Patriots for 3 quarters. Not sure if the Patriots will cover the 17 points they are favored by in Miami this week (just because everyone is so sure they will), but they should arrive in Indy on November 4th undefeated if they can beat Buffalo and Washington (more on the Redskins in a second).
3. Tampa Bay continues to play great defense and win games. At 4-2, they are tied with Carolina at the top of the NFC South, and are looking more and more like a playoff team each week. Consider this: Tampa Bay has 5 road games left on their schedule, against opponents who are currently a combined 10-17. At this point it’s hard to see them finishing below 10-6, and in a wide open NFC, Jeff Garcia and their defense could propel them far in the playoffs. Imagine if they had drafted Adrian Peterson with the 4th pick in the last draft? (They’re getting 30:1 odds on winning the super bowl right now in Vegas, in case you were wondering.)
4. I keep waiting for the wheels to come off in Baltimore and it keeps not happening. Their games are maddening to watch, they can’t sustain a drive to save their lives, and yet they find ways to win. With San Diego, Kansas City, and Jacksonville all playing well lately, those two wild cards in the AFC are going to be tough to earn. My Top 5 in the AFC right now: NE, IND, PIT, JAX, SD.
5. Other than Pittsburgh (9.4 ppg) and Jacksonville (11.6 ppg), guess which team is giving up the fewest points per game in the league this year? They lead the NFC in fewest points allowed per game this year and they’ve only given up 2 passing touchdowns all year. Answer: the Washington Redskins, who fumbled away a win and a potential 4-1 record last week in Green Bay. If i had to rank the top 5 NFC Teams right now, it would look like this: DAL, TB, NYG, GB, WAS. (Who gets that playoff spot from the NFC West? Seattle, who can’t even beat the Saints at home? Arizona? San Fran?)
Angle(s) of the Week
In the AFC, the Big 3 all need to try and win on the road.
New England has the easiest test by far, even though they historically struggle in Miami.
Denver has lost 2 in a row at home, and could easily be 0-5 right now. Maybe they’ll make a stand for their season against Pittsburgh at home?
Indianapolis at Jacksonville is the game of the week. A Great D versus Peyton and company. Look for this game to turn on Special Teams. (which is another way of saying i have no idea what will happen.)
This has Nothing to Do with Football
All day on Thursday I told folks that Beckett was going to have to be brilliant if the Red Sox wanted to win. I had no idea that he actually would be. Without him, the Sox would have been trailing 5-2 in the middle innings instead of being up 2-1. His domination kept the Sox in the game until they were finally able to break through and add insurance runs.
With the series relocating to Boston, the Indians still have a great chance to advance. Last night aside, the Indians lineup looks much more daunting top to bottom than the Red Sox right now. The Red Sox are like a bad NL lineup, with Crisp and Lugo sucking the life out of any rally like a pair of black holes. There’s HUGE pressure on Francona to start Ellsbury in CF over Crisp on saturday night, and I think he has to. Crisp’s body language last night when he failed to get a bunt down and then struck out told the story.
Fantasy is the New Reality
My Fantasy teams are so bad right now that they have revoked my license to hand out advice.
Instead, let me give you some thought on naming your fantasy team, which you can use if you’re getting involved in fantasy basketball this month.
(this is from the book I’m working on right now, so it’s my sneaky way of trying to whet your appetite for it. ain’t i clever?)
- DO feel free to use alliterations whenever possible. Not only do they look good, but also they make for great nicknames. For example, “The Amish Are Angry” is a great name because it is visually appealing and you have the option of referring to your team as ‘The Triple-A’ if you like. (Plus, major bonus points any time you can incorporate the Amish into your name.)
- DON’T use your team name to make derogatory references to your spouse or pastor. “Nagging Wife For Sale” or “Shut Up, Pastor Jim” will only get you into trouble in the long run.
- DO use your team name to make childish references to bodily functions and noises. You’ll get your opponents chuckling, which will distract them from the fact that you are about to pummel them. You can’t go wrong with names like “Fart Like You Mean It”, “Will Belch for Touchdowns”, or “The Ferret Broke Wind”.
- DON’T use the name of your favorite professional team in your fantasy team’s moniker. Names like “Steelers Power”, “Mets Rule”, and “Giants4Life” make you sound like a 14-yr-old girl fawning over her pimple-faced boyfriend.
- DO feel free to incorporate pop culture references whenever you can. Incorporating characters or dialogue from recent television shows or movies is a great way to get a laugh and show you’re still on the ball. Personally, I don’t think you can ever go wrong with a Seinfeld reference. In the past few years I’ve gone that route more than once fielding teams names like “The Marine Biologists”, “I Was in the Pool!”, and “The Pretend Architects”.
- DON’T try to convert people to Christianity with your team name. While I’d never say that God is incapable of using a fantasy team name to change someone’s heart, I’m pretty sure that there are better ways God can use you to get a hold of someone’s life. If you’re thinking of naming your team “No Christ, No Heaven” or “Only Goalies and Jesus Save”, please reconsider.
No Ticket, No Problem
If your wife thinks the Sunday Ticket is what you use to get an ice cream at Friendly’s, here’s what you’ll be watching on sunday.
CBS - CBS is only broadcasting 1 game this week. If you live near NE@MIA, TEN@HOU, or BAL@BUF you’ll be seeing it in the early slot. KC@OAK and NYJ@CIN will be shown at 4pm EST.
FOX - FOX has the doubleheader this week. Most folks will get SF@NYG in the early spot and MIN@DAL late. Also of note, as of right now the ATL@NO game will not be in HD.
If you’d like to take a peak at the NFL coverage map with your own corneas, be my guest.
Household Chore to Ignore
Each week I’ll be helping you find something around the house that you should feel guilty about not doing because you’re watching football.
This week it’s time to think about those things that should be dealt with a few times a year. Should you change the batteries in your smoke detector? Should you clean out the filter on your HVAC unit? Should you flip your mattress over? Should you check the chimney? Should you stock up on ice melt? Should you refill the chip bowl and get back on the couch?
Answers: No, No, No, No, No, and Yes.
Upset Specials
Each week I’ll pick an underdog that i think can win its game outright.
Last Week’s pick: WAS over GB (LOSS! thanks to a stupid late turnover by washington)
Record for the Year: 4-2
This week I’m picking Tampa Bay to beat the Lions in Detroit. If you’ve read this far you know that i like how their defense is playing, and Jeff Garcia is doing what he knows how to do: win games.
Mascot Wars
The best mascot matchup of the week:
Titans @ Texans - Everything is bigger in Texas huh? Well your biggest warriors are still not as big as titans. According to Wikipedia, Titans are huge beasts of men capable of eating chainsaws and popping beehives in their mouths like mentos. (well, not really, but i could go add that to the Wiki page right now if it made you feel better). If the Titans were driving around Texas, i might not pick them to win. Driving around Texas can get really boring. But since they are playing football, I like the beehive eaters to defeat the texas residents, 21-10.
Conspiracy Theory of the Week
I’m sick and tired of bands announcing to the world that “we feel like this is the best record we’ve ever made”.
Just once I want to hear a band come out and say “You know, we’re actually disappointed in how this thing came out. It’s nowhere near our best stuff. We still hope you buy it, but don’t expect it to be better than the last album. That last album was great.”
Every album that every band puts out is apparently their “best record yet”. I realize why this happens, but it’s getting old and tired.
Or maybe I’m just getting old and tired. Let’s move on.
If Betting were Legal
Last Week: 8-5
Year to Date: 45-44
My picks for Week 7 (your spreads may vary):
ATL(+7.5), BUF(+3.5), TB(+2.5), WAS(-7.5), HOU(+2.5), NYG(-8.5), MIA(+16.5), KC(+3.5), CIN(-6.5), STL(+8.5), MIN(+9.5), CHI(+5.5), PIT(-3.5), and IND(-3.5)
Final Word
4 things:
1. If it’s been a while since you’ve changed the batteries in your smoke detector, you should probably get on that.
2. ALCS Prediction - Cleveland beats Boston. I just have a bad feeling about this. I think both of these games could be 7-4, 8-6 type games and i think the Red Sox might end up on the wrong side of the score because of their shaky middle relief. Man, i hope I’m wrong.
3. My hot water heater stopped working on wednesday. We had it fixed wednesday night and it stopped working again last night. Talk about something you take for granted until it’s gone. This morning’s cleaning was painful. May the fix be easy, cheap, and completed by dinner time.
4. Ever since my birthday a few weeks ago, my 4-yr old son Parker is obsessed with my age. It’s pretty cute. Every time he sees a player with the #31 on his back , he reminds me that I’m 31 years old. Yesterday I came home and he handed me a card he made for me (with my wife’s help) that said “I love you Daddy. You used to be 30. Now you’re 31. Love Parker”. I’ll keep that one for a long time.
Have a great weekend!
-The Schnoz
Tags: Football, Schnoz Report
Posted in NFL, previews | 2 Comments »
Monday, October 15th, 2007
Monday Reset is a weekly feature that obviously runs on mondays, but only if we have time to bother with it. It contains no references to Britney Spears’ album tracklist, no commentary on Al Gore’s Nobel Prize, and no giveaways for Hannah Monana tickets.
THE CARNAGE OF YESTERWEEK - making sense of the last seven days
Last week we saw…
…the Rockies stay hotter than the burning bush. They are a fire that shows no signs of flaming out.
…the Patriots easily beat the best team in the NFC. Tom Brady and Randy Moss could create cold fusion together if they felt like it.
…the College Football rankings continue to fluctuate like the daily soup specials at your local lunch place. This week’s specials: Ohio State, South Florida, and the Vegetable Minestrone.
…the Indians slap a 7-11 on the Red Sox to take home field advantage back to Jacobs Field in the ALCS. Trot Nixon keys the rally with a big hit. Here’s Trot’s thoughts on faith, via a March 2007 story in the Wilmington Star:
“When my time’s up, I want to be with God,” he said. “I don’t want to stand around and be someone who’s lost. That’s what I believe, and I know there’s a lot of belief systems out there, but … it’s important for people to know that he’s No. 1 in my life.” - Trot Nixon
THE BIG THREE - if you only watch three things this week, make it these:
1. Red Sox @ Indians - Game 3, MON, 7pm (FOX) … Daisuke’s $103MM money clip will be judged off of this one performance. If he dazzles, it was worth it. If he fizzles, it was a waste of cash.
2. (2) South Florida at Rutgers - THU, 730pm (ESPN) … Who’s cheering for USF in this one? 1) Students and alumni, 2) People who live in south Florida, and 3) people who want South Florida in the BCS Title game in hopes that it might persuade the people in charge to enact a playoff system.
3. New England Patriots @ Miami Dolphins- SUN, 1pm (CBS) … Can New England win this game by 50 points? That’s the question going in to this game. Through the years the Patriots have played poorly in Miami, but this year you can throw every cliche and trend out the window. Trap game? Don’t think so. Letdown game? Pshaw. Could this be the first 20-point NFL point spread since 2002? We’ll find out tomorrow.
BRAIN CRUMBS - brushing them from the table of my brain to the floor of the web
- Hockey is almost invisible in this country right now. Am i the only one who feels like that? It doesn’t get much love from ESPN, it’s almost never gabbed about on Sports Talk Radio, and it’s rarely mentioned on the major sports websites. As was joked about in Bill Simmons’ podcast recently, when the hockey season starts, someone let me know.
- The green dot on the back of the football helmets looks terrible for every team…except the Seahawks. I’ve always liked that green trim on the Seahawks unis, and the green dot on the back of the helmets almost matches perfectly. (If you’re into the minutiae of sports uniforms, Paul Lukas’ Uni Watch is a must-read blog.
- The NBA Season is just over 2 weeks away. Are you playing in an NBA Fantasy League this year? I’m in two already, and I’ll probably throw in 1 more just for good measure.
Tags: Monday Reset
Posted in previews, sports | No Comments »
