Two weeks ago I wrote a guest post for Stuff Christians Like called “Having a Favorite Book of the Bible”. In case you missed it on Jon’s site, here it is in all of it’s fantasy draft glory.

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Billy Joel says he thinks of all the songs he has written as his children. Some grow up to be famous, and some don’t amount to much, but he loves them all the same. I sometimes wonder if God feels the same way about all 66 books of the Bible. Does He love quiet, unassuming Jude as much as he loves superstar John? Does He love Esther, even though she never mentions Him at all?

Most Christians see nothing wrong with an unequal distribution of Bible love. We’ll talk about our “favorite verse”, “favorite book”, “favorite passage”, and “favorite body part comparison in Song of Solomon” without ever feeling guilty. We all have our favorites, and everyone is okay with that.

I was thinking about this on a flight recently, and my mind started to wander into some ridiculous territory. (Yes, consider that a warning, because I’m taking you with me.) What if this plane crashes? And what if only six of us survived, but instead of us all landing on a mysterious island with a smoke monster and a crazy French woman (shout out to my LOST peeps!), we were somehow scattered onto 6 different islands with no way of reconnecting? And what if, in those few moments before we crashed, we had the intuition to take the one Bible that was on the plane (which I had brought, of course) and split it up equally between the 6 of us in a Fantasy Football-style draft; literally ripping the pages out of the Bible to take with us to our deserted island?

This pretend scenario led me to two very real observations: 1) I need to bring a Sudoku book with me the next time I fly, and 2) I need to figure out which 11 books of the Bible I would take with me BEFORE tragedy strikes. There’s no way I’d be able to make the right choices while plummeting from the sky in a 747, drenched in my own urine.

So, after much prayer, fasting, and a re-reading of Jason Boyett’s Pocket Guide to the Bible, I’ve come up with a Cheat Sheet for the 11 books I would target in a “Books of the Bible Fantasy Draft”. Here they are:

Bryan’s Books of the Bible Fantasy Draft Cheat Sheet

1. The first book I would take would be the gospel of Luke. It would provide the account of Jesus’ life that I’d want to have, including the parable of the Good Samaritan, which is only found in Luke’s Gospel.

2. Mystery. Symbolism. Strange Monsters. No, I’m not talking about LOST again; I’m talking about my second selection, the Book of Revelation. Reading it will keep my imagination sharp and my spirit encouraged. The book is a great reminder that no matter how my own story arc ends, God has the final episodes of the Series already written.

3. At Number 3 I like Paul’s letter to the Romans. Since I’ll spend a majority of the next 10 years deep in thought or talking to myself, why not use that time to wrap my head around the Bible’s most difficult doctrines? (I hear that’s how Matthew Henry wrote his popular Bible Commentary back in the 1700s. He shipwrecked himself on a deserted island, destroyed his iPhone, and ate coconut shavings all day.)

4. Up next is the scandalous Song of Solomon. A little too early to draft this short book about romantic love? Perhaps. But I’d want to keep that famous Bryan Allain Charm© at peak levels in case my wife Erica shipwrecks on the island and we’re stranded together. (Erica, you can stop laughing now. Yes dear, it was a joke, but it wasn’t THAT funny.)

5. Once I conquer the mysteries of Revelation and the doctrines of Romans I’ll need a new challenge. That’s why the book of Hebrews earns a spot in the five-hole. It might take the rest of my life, but I WILL figure out who wrote this book.

6. At number 6 I like the shortest book of the Bible, 2 John. Clocking in at only thirteen verses, it will come in handy for those days when I want to FEEL like I’ve read a lot, but don’t actually want to READ a lot. Oh, stop making that face! You know you’ve been there before.

7. Number 7, the biblical number of completion. This is the perfect spot to stick the book that started it all, Nahum. No, I’m kidding, this is where I’ll put Genesis. If my wife does find me on the island, we can follow Genesis’ blueprint and start a whole new civilization like Noah and his Wife-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Named.

8. My lack of handyman skills render me inept at building anything more complicated than a Jenga tower. Since my eventual homemade raft escape is bound to result in my drowning or becoming lunch for a large aquatic mammal, I’ll take the book of Jonah.

9. For those depressing days when I feel like the unluckiest person on earth, I’ll bring along the book of Job. Hey, at least I’m not covered in boils and surrounded by negative friends with weird names.

10. The book of James sneaks into the top ten solely on the strength of its verses about trials and tribulations. As each day finds me looking more and more like Tom Hanks in Castaway, I’m going to need that encouragement. Speaking of Castaway, if I find a can of tennis balls on the island, they will become my best friends like Wilson was for Tom Hanks. And I will definitely name them Obadiah, Zechariah, and Haggai.

11. Rounding off my list at #11 is the book of Numbers. Sure, I’ll read it to glean wisdom from time to time, but mostly it will be great for those nights when I just can’t fall asleep. Before you accuse me of blasphemy, have you ever tried to read Numbers after 11pm? There’s a reason Jewish rabbis refer to the book as “Biblical Ambien”.

So there’s my list. If you plan on flying anywhere in the near future, I suggest printing it out to take with you, just in case. Better yet, why don’t you spend some time creating your own Books of the Bible Cheat Sheet.

You don’t need to reproduce your whole list in the comments, but here’s a question I’d love to read your answers on. If you were in a Books of the Bible Fantasy Draft, and you took one of the gospels as your first pick (because I think most of us would like to have an account of Jesus’ life with us), what 3 books would you pick next and why?

In last week’s Schnoz Report I referenced the guest post I wrote for Stuff Christians Like called “7 Sports Myths That Christians Like”. In the event that you were too lazy to click over and read it or just didn’t care to read it, here’s your chance. Please try to contain your enthusiasm.

(Speaking of laziness, gotta love reposting things you’ve already written.)

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7 Sports Myths Christians Like

Hello my fellow side-hugging, skittle-eating, prayer ninjas. Last month Jon asked me if I’d be interested in blogging a guest post here at SCL and I said “yes” so fast, my tongue tore it’s ACL and is out 10-12 months. Thankfully I don’t type with my tongue (anymore), and I was still able to put this post together for you.

One disclaimer before we jump in: If you hate sports like the devil hates you, I apologize in advance. I write about sports because they are a huge part of my life, and I feel there’s tons of lessons we can learn from them about how God wants us to live (so much so that I’m writing a book about it). So, if you’re idea of hell is a neverending junior high gym class where people play dodge ball, flag football, and floor hockey for the rest of eternity, just grit your teeth, roll your eyes, and try to get through this.

With that out of the way, here’s 7 Sports Myths that Christians Like:

1. Saying you love Jesus after a big win is always a good thing.

If you’re neighbor came over one day and asked you “Hey, your lawn looks great! What’s your secret?” and you replied, “Well, first I’d like to give praise to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Without Him grass wouldn’t even exist!” What would happen? Even if you followed up with, “I use a weed and feed every March and August and spray for grubs in July”, would your neighbor even be listening anymore? Chances are he’d be so caught off-guard by your impromptu confession of faith that he’d be backpedaling faster than an all-pro cornerback in man-to-man coverage.

Like it or not, context IS important. Yes truth is always truth, but context matters. Plus, there’s also something to be said for respecting the reporter who is trying to do their job and actually answering the question you were asked. I’m not saying athletes should never bring faith into the conversation, I’m just saying there’s more to sharing your faith than saying Jesus’ name whenever a microphone is shoved in your face. Too often it comes across as nothing more than a cheesy soundbite, and for every Christian who hears it and pumps their fist in approval, there’s probably 50 other folks who roll their eyes and change the channel.

2. The New Orleans Saints are The Most Christian Sports Franchise

Sure they were named, in part, because of the large Catholic population in New Orleans in the 1960s, but when it comes to Christian team names, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim stand head and shoulders above the rest. Remember, this is the franchise that once had a Disney movie made about their team that involved real angels (including Christopher Lloyd) helping the team win the A.L. Pennant. No other team, including the Saints, can lay claim to that.

But what seals the deal is their name. I only took one year of Spanish in junior high, but I’m pretty sure the English translation of “Los Angeles” is “The Angels”. This means their team name is literally “The Angels Angels of Anaheim”. With that ridiculous double-reference to heavenly harpists, they take the cake as the Most Christian Sports Franchise. (They would also lay claim to the title of Most Absurd Sports Team Name if it wasn’t for the existence of The Utah Jazz).

3. The referee is always right

The customer is always right. Google is always right. Your wife is always right.

The referee…not so much.

But even though the men and women in stripes screw up occasionally, we still need to handle ourselves on the field as ambassadors of Christ. In fact, the last time I looked through the Gospels, Jesus was telling his disciples to shake the dust off of their feet, not to kick it onto other people’s shoes when they blow a call. And those times when we feel compelled to holler at the referee for his poor eyesight? We should follow the example of Jesus, who had compassion for those who couldn’t see. It’s fine to disagree with the umpire, and usually there is a way to state your case with respect and class. Just don’t forget who you’re representing when you’re told to go sit back down on the bench and shut up.

4. Christians aren’t allowed to root for teams with devil mascots.

Contrary to popular belief, The New Jersey Devils of the NHL were not given their name because New Jersey is often referred to as “hell on earth”. They were actually named after a legendary creature called “The Jersey Devil” who is said to haunt the Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey. In fact, most devilish mascots have a similar story behind their name. So take comfort fans of Arizona St., Duke, and Depaul; cheering for the Sun Devils, Blue Devils, or the Blue Demons is not aligning your soul with Sheol.

That being said, kudos to my mom for lobbying to get my brother’s grade school soccer team renamed from The Black Knights (clearly evil) to The Black Attackers (much less evil…and much cooler). True story.

5. You can be a Christian and attend Wake Forest University

The lone exception to myth #4 is Wake Forest University. Prior to 1923, Wake Forest’s sports teams competed as the Fighting Baptists. But leave it to a newspaper reporter to suggest that the team “fought like demons” in a win over Duke in 1923, which eventually led to the university adopting the Demon Deacon as their mascot. The scary part? Wake Forest never won a National Championship while competing as the Fighting Baptists, but since moving to the dark side the Demon Deacons have won 8 national championships in four different sports. Draw your own conclusions.

And while we’re here, what is a Demon Deacon anyway? Is it a deacon at your church who gets possessed by a demon? Or is it a demon from hell who takes the form of a human and joins your church, eventually earning enough respect from members of the congregation with his work on the usher team to be voted in as a deacon? Either way, you might not want to be wearing a Wake Forest hoodie when you stand before the pearly gates one day. Just a suggestion.

6. Our kids should play to have fun, not to win.

Garbage. Taking winning and losing out of sports is like taking the rainbow out of skittles. We need to let kids win and lose because they’re going to deal with the emotions that come from succeeding and failing all through their lives, and sports are a great place for them to become familiar with them.

Why sports? Because it’s only a game, but the lessons we learn in athletics are universal. Kids need to win because they need to learn how to succeed with grace and humility. So 10 years down the road when they get that coveted promotion over an equally qualified coworker, they handle themselves with class. Similarly, they need to learn how to fail with respect and dignity. They need to be able to put disappoint and rejection in proper perspective for the times later in life when they lose something more than just a game.

Besides, if we didn’t keep score at our kids’ games, what would we have to yell about from the sidelines?

7. God loves Penn State and the Cowboys

Living in Pennsylvania, I’ve been told numerous times that God HAS to be a Penn State fan because the sky is blue and white. I usually walk away from these conversations convinced that the use of hallucinogens is on the rise among college football fans. Do these folks realize that “Sky Blue” and “Nittany Lion Blue” are as far as you can possibly get away from each other on the Blue Scale? Do they think God is colorblind?

Penn State fans aren’t the only ones who claim divine fandom. Fans of the Dallas Cowboys have long argued that the Cowboys are God’s team, citing the fact that there’s a hole in the roof over Texas Stadium so God can keep an eye on the action. What Cowboys fans fail to realize is that they are, in essence, saying God is not capable of seeing through man-made materials like steel and elastomer coatings. Feel free to remind them of this the next time one of them plays the “hole in the roof” card. Really? You worship a God that doesn’t have X-Ray vision? Does he need binoculars too? What happens if it’s cloudy, does He just watch the game on TV?

Besides, we all know that God’s favorite team couldn’t possibly be the Cowboys. It has to be The Angels Angels of Anaheim, right?

So, can you think of any sports myths that I missed?

Who are your favorite and least favorite teams?

Have any good stories about arguing with an umpire or a referee you can share?

Here’s an interesting read for you while you’re trying to make sense of what happened on LOST last Thursday. It’s an article from the archives, published in February 2005 on msnbc.com, that talks about the role of Christianity in collegiate and professional sports. Some stats I found interesting…

“The figure commonly cited by those who work with them is that about a third of the players in the major American team sports are born-again or evangelical Christians — a little more in the NFL, a little less in the NBA and significantly more in NASCAR. Grant Teaff, the former head of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes who is now executive director of the American Football Coaches Association, has said as many as two-thirds of college football coaches are devout Christians.”

The article also talks about athiests in sports who feel like they can’t be open about their views because of the generally pro-God culture in locker rooms. I think the same thing applies to the rest of the world though. Most people, in general, have a negative connotation with the word “athiest”.

But back to the numbers, one-third of all athletes seems a bit high to me. Only because the number is nowhere near one-third at any job I’ve ever worked at. What do you think? Is this number high or is there a reason that many athletes are spiritual?