Mmmm, Belmont Steaks

And speaking of thoroughbred horse racing, there happens to be a very big race this weekend, the Belmont Stakes. As you sports fans, gamblers, and fornicators know, the Belmont Stakes is the third leg (huh huh, third leg) of the famed Triple Crown. The first two legs being the Kentucky Derby and the Indianapolis 500. The Belmont is held in (b)Elmont, NY, and at a mile and a half, is now further than you can drive on five dollars of regular unleaded.

This year millions of people are mildly interested in the Belmont Stakes because Big Brown will be attempting to capture the first Triple Crown since Affirmed in 1978. When asked about his chances to join the other eleven Triple Crown winners, Big Brown replied, “It’s what I’ve always dreamed of. That, and eating carrots.”

Trying to stop Big Brown on his quest to become a Jeopardy answer are these seven horses listed below, along with their odds of winning, for entertainment and degenerate gambling purposes only.

• Behindatthebar 20-1 (Thatsnotanameitsasentence)
• Casino Drive 5-2 (Someone has watched Swingers too many times)
• Denis of Cork 15-2 (Finish outside the top 3 and it’ll be Denis of Glue)
• Macho Again 20-1 (Make your mind up, either you’re macho or you’re not)
• Mint Lane 30-1 (Sounds like one of the 31 flavors)
• Tale of Ekati 10-1 (This is what happens when you let your kids name your horse)
• Tomcito 30-1 (Voted mostly likely to eat his jockey)

And so it is up to this ragtag bunch to stop Big Brown on his quest to make history and eat carrots. Who will prevail? We’ll all find out together on Monday, June 9^th, when someone at work reminds us we forgot to watch the 140^th running of the Belmont Stakes.